Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
