And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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