I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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