: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
