guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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