Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
