I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
