..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
