There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
