Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
