what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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