I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
