Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
