The maid of honor just puked.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
