i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
