I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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