You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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