69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
