i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
