I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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