I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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