People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
