hotel room ftw
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
