dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
