He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
