We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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