Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
