He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
