So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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