You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
