Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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