He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
