I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
