He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
