Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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