dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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