Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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