No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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