Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Holy sore nipples Batman
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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