sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
