I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
