VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
