One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
