I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The power of my boobs compel you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
