you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
