she looked like the before picture.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
