return my video game
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
