Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I could make wine with my vomit
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
