now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Boobs speak an international language.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
