Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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