I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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