Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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