Can i not drive my cunt home
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
