Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
