Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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