the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
