if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
