how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
