On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
