I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
