You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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