How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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