I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
