Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
