It's Friday. Sex?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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