so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
