Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
