I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish I only lived at night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
